Two Lives

I have lived two lives; two distinctly different and fulfilling long term engagements with myself. The first was over fifty years in length. Those years took me from birth to about two years ago when I moved to a new state, changing everything completely and utterly. Within those First Life years I did the obligatory school thing, moved three times during high school, married and divorced three times (hmm, just noticing the thing about threes), danced, sang, my sister became my friend. I found I love to distance walk, write, decorate, organize and other anal activities too numerous to mention here.

My first life was a good one. I will not complain about mistakes in judgment,  nor the road I shoulda taken. I was adequately housed, fed, and learned at an early age to be as self-sufficient as one can be at that point. Through those years, I was an average student, unsure of what I wanted, liked or loved, fearful to speak when I should have. I was totally lost within. I married young, lived a good life, divorced and started again. I earned enough money to support my young son and myself, to proudly watch him grow into the exceptional man he is today. I've purchased homes without the assistance of anyone on earth, I went to college in my forties, resulting in bachelors and masters degrees. I have loved, made great friendships, struggled with who or what I am, and where to be. I was fortunate to work in a large corporation for over twenty years, growing and learning there while living in a beautiful area of the country - if we don't consider the winter season. Suffice to say, too long, too much shoveling, scraping, and literally life-threatening road conditions, and if I never ever see another snowflake I will consider that a really good thing. Therefore, the move to another state.

Although I didn't appreciate it at the time, looking back now, I am of the belief that it was likely more a good than bad experience to have lived in different states along the way. I have been privileged to be exposed to different cultures, and learn that this is a huge world, full of opportunity and differences and wonderful open arms. I have learned that not every word or thought that pops into my brain needs to pop out of my mouth. I held anger within, although I didn't know I was angry~then. I learned to be tenacious, lacked patience-mostly with me, and longed to have peace of mind, to know why I felt the way I did, and sought various forms of assistance in getting there.

Enter Life Two:

EEEHHHAAA!!! This is very new, more profound than I can put into words, magical, miraculous and all the superlatives I can think of which are positive and glowing in nature. It was definitely not an overnight success; few truly exist. As my life continued in Life One, I knew I wanted and most assuredly needed to feel more at peace with me. I didn't exactly know how to get from A to B, although I consider myself extremely intuitive and able to dissect many issues and points. I recently read my journals dating back over twenty years where I lament basically the same issues within myself and my life that I continued to journalize recently. I could hardly believe it! But there it was in print. And it was time to get past it all and to really live. So, the move to the new state has been completely positive, although not without challenges. New state = new place to live, new job, new friends, maneuvering around to new places... Not as easy as it sounds, depending on ones dysfunction, attitude, and tenacity.

I looked for a job for about a year and a half before I found the perfect one. I bagged groceries for a week, cleaned the home of a large family for four weeks, tried to build businesses, applied for more jobs than I can remember. Regardless of my great experience, few opportunities for interviews came my way. All of that intertwined with getting to Bonnie. Getting to the soul, the spirit, the core of who that person truly is and can be for a most happy life. And, fortunately for me, I had time. Leaving my long term job allowed me to have financial stability for a while, so that I could think and read and discuss and reach out to find her; I knew she was there somewhere, I could feel her waiting for the reaching. I worked with a hugely talented life coach, after months of pondering whether that was what I truly wanted and needed. It was. Within that process, this wonderful woman asked the right questions, bringing out the answers I needed to hear. She guided me through points I could not quite unearth for myself, not for lack of trying. It was a completely and profoundly positive experience which was a major point in bringing me to this Life Two point.

For me, this has been pretty much a lifelong process. I have not always realized certain aspects, going along in my daily whatevers. Realizations are key for healing, acknowledging and moving on. I learned about Law of Attraction from a new friend, which I have welcomed into my life, let it settle in there, and I tap on it pretty much daily. It works. I figured, if I got nothing more than a positive outlook, that in itself was well worth it. I have received so much more. Believing, understanding that the universe in all its abundance has enough for everyone. What a wonderful affirmation! And, it's true..

Like any addiction, some major points may be with me always, rearing ugliness from time to time in the form of inner voice or reaction to specific situations. Now that I know what they are, understand why they are here with me, they can be dealt with, while I make it clear I will not go along with those anymore. I am happier today than any point in my life. I have a peace of mind I could only imagine, and I am beginning to like what I bring to this life and to be comfortable within. I will make mistakes, probably bad decisions from time to time. I will likely not be the happiest driver on the road, and I struggle to have patience in many circumstances. I will never be perfect. What I have now is far better. I express gratitude every day for this life, for my spirit, for the person I am. I feel it is now my job to find the special people who will be in my life, to give back, to be gracious and generous. I am ready for my true purpose here; I welcome it lovingly and with unlimited openness for each moment. Mostly, I am humbled and grateful for being me-now in Life Two.