I am not a resolution maker person. Not that I don't have areas I'd like to improve upon - as a matter of fact, big ones; I just don't wait until one year passes and another begins to make such decisions. Today, though, it seemed fitting that my next steps were awakened as I read a friend's facebook post asking, "What promises would you make to yourself if you knew you could keep them in 2011?" Simultaneously, I recalled a recent conversation with a friend in which she excitedly shared her plans for a more active career, while my desires include less career and more fun. I realized how opposite our goals are, and how deeply I feel mine.
I am one extremely fortunate woman. In two years I have accomplished much. I moved to a state I love, I live in a community I love, found a great job, and- a plus- I don't hate going in each day! I enjoy excellent health, wonderful pets, a 2001 vehicle which gets me where I need to be. I have a wonderful son and a few close friends. I am at a weight I never thought I'd see, and don't remember being at - ever, and I am happy there.
My next challenge is to be in love...with me. Truly in love with the person I go to sleep with and wake up with every day. Truly in love with what I see in the mirror, what I feel in my heart, even a pass when mistakes are made.
Anyone who has consciously made life-altering changes, as most of us have, understands our reactions, those inner voices, are an ingrained part of our programming, therefore, we don't think about them at all. We simply follow the path as always, without recognition; even when the path doesn't feel exactly right. I am fortunate that I do recognize, and I act. My life has unfolded greatly and wonderfully over the past two years, and I can sense that it is now time for this major challenge, so that I will continue to grow and to realize a life of true happiness. I would love to have more friendships, I would love to feel a deep contentment with my life-whatever I make it to be, and I have been considering the possibility that I might want a partner to share with. All of these "wishes" will be granted, when I know my worth, fall in love with my spirit and soul and simply grin at mistakes, brushing them off as one would a falling leaf from a shoulder.
For me, the process will include catching those inner scoldings and turning them into a softer, kinder voice. To tell myself that I am OK as I am, and the trickier part-to BELIEVE it! Including when my coarse hair is having a mind of its own, including the times I forget a word, do something completely wrong when I thought I was doing it completely right, or even react as I wish I hadn't. Just as importantly, my process will include a deep confidence that we are all here trying to live our best lives--every one of us. There is solace in understanding we are all "one", ultimately, within nature. It is the belief that I am part of something much larger than my small world which offers me comfort within my struggles; that, plus success in achieving a purpose I've determined to realize.
I look forward to continuing what I have started and to confronting challenges. I know I will find a love for life which will translate into a happiness I have sought, but wasn't quite sure how to accomplish. How interesting, how freeing to know the answer begins here where I am - from the inside.
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